Sometimes good things come to an end. Actually, good things usually come to an end. Like a relationship, a friendship, the life of a friend or family member, a great college class, the Animorphs series, etc. But God won't take anything away from us without giving us something better.
That's where the new beginnings come in. When something ends and we start something new, it's easy for doubts to creep in: that didn't work out last time. Remember how they left? It won't work out this time, because it didn't work out last time.
The benefit of the doubt is that it can be left behind when you start something new. Doubt is heavy, and so is the past. If we've been distrusted or distrustful in a relationship, we can leave that distrust behind when we start over and be completely open, honest, and trusting. If we've lost a friend or family member to death, doubts may come. The next time we make a friend, however, we don't have to keep thoughts in the forefront of our mind like, well, he'll probably die too. All my friends die. See how it doesn't really make sense to apply the doubts of the past when we start over and begin something else?
The benefit of the doubt is that we can leave it behind. We shouldn't carry old problems into new beginnings. The heavy nature of doubt makes it so that if we are willing to put it down completely, we can leave it there. It feels good to start over and leave the past behind us.
Monday, March 25, 2013
Friday, March 22, 2013
Forgiveness
"...a man who during childhood was frequently threatened with abandonment can easily attribute such intentions to his wife. He will then misinterpret things she says and does in terms of such intent, and then take whatever action he thinks would best meet the situation he believes to exist. Misunderstanding and conflict must follow. In all this he is as unaware he is being biased by his past experience as he is that his present beliefs and expectations are mistaken." (Feeney and Monin 2008)
Science says that if something troubling has happened to us in the past—something like divorce, traumatic events, death of a loved one, abuse, addiction, and a plethora of other possible things— we are inescapably affected by it (whether or not we are aware). The research above says that if a boy is abused, he will be forever suspicious of his wife and her behaviors. If she goes out to be with friends and says, "I'm going out with friends while you watch football," that man (according to science) will tend to think She says she's going out with friends, but which friends? Will other men be there? Is she being unfaithful to me? And thus begins the downward spiral of misunderstanding and mistrust.
So how does that man learn to trust his wife? After all, it's outside of his control, right? Something happened to him that he couldn't avoid, right? It's not that he doesn't trust her, but rather that he was hurt in the past, and he's "being biased by his past experience," right? It's not his fault, right?
Not right.
Judgement, bias, pride, distrust—those are all weakness that we have. Christ teaches that if we come to him, He can show us our weaknesses (Ether 12:27). He can show us where we are being judgmental. He can show us the prideful root of our flawed behavior. He can get to the root of the seed of distrust that we may have planted in ourselves.
He helps us to make the root-changes that we need to make by commanding us to forgive one another. Even if we've been "threatened with abandonment," abused, forgotten, He commands us to forgive. Forgiveness is the ultimate exercise of trust. It's changing the nature of the way you see that person who has offended you. Trading out mistrust for full trust.
The benefit of there even being doubt in the first place is that the Atonement, that sacrifice offered by Jesus Christ, can rip those doubts out of us if we come to Him. The benefit of that opening where doubt used to be is that it can be filled with whatever we choose. If we are truly forgiving, we can fill it with trust, we can fill it with hope, and we can fill it with love.
Christ lives. He is my Savior. He died to make us free. He suffered the pain of sin so that we can forgive and be forgiven without robbing justice.
Science says that if something troubling has happened to us in the past—something like divorce, traumatic events, death of a loved one, abuse, addiction, and a plethora of other possible things— we are inescapably affected by it (whether or not we are aware). The research above says that if a boy is abused, he will be forever suspicious of his wife and her behaviors. If she goes out to be with friends and says, "I'm going out with friends while you watch football," that man (according to science) will tend to think She says she's going out with friends, but which friends? Will other men be there? Is she being unfaithful to me? And thus begins the downward spiral of misunderstanding and mistrust.
So how does that man learn to trust his wife? After all, it's outside of his control, right? Something happened to him that he couldn't avoid, right? It's not that he doesn't trust her, but rather that he was hurt in the past, and he's "being biased by his past experience," right? It's not his fault, right?
Not right.
Judgement, bias, pride, distrust—those are all weakness that we have. Christ teaches that if we come to him, He can show us our weaknesses (Ether 12:27). He can show us where we are being judgmental. He can show us the prideful root of our flawed behavior. He can get to the root of the seed of distrust that we may have planted in ourselves.
He helps us to make the root-changes that we need to make by commanding us to forgive one another. Even if we've been "threatened with abandonment," abused, forgotten, He commands us to forgive. Forgiveness is the ultimate exercise of trust. It's changing the nature of the way you see that person who has offended you. Trading out mistrust for full trust.
The benefit of there even being doubt in the first place is that the Atonement, that sacrifice offered by Jesus Christ, can rip those doubts out of us if we come to Him. The benefit of that opening where doubt used to be is that it can be filled with whatever we choose. If we are truly forgiving, we can fill it with trust, we can fill it with hope, and we can fill it with love.
Christ lives. He is my Savior. He died to make us free. He suffered the pain of sin so that we can forgive and be forgiven without robbing justice.
Saturday, March 9, 2013
Orange Flags
It's been an interesting week. Lots of good and bad, and many opportunities to be more trusting and giving (especially when giving the benefit of the doubt).
I was almost run over by a truck on Thursday. No seriously.
Here in Utah, at crosswalks they have NEON orange flags to make it safer for pedestrians to cross the road and be seen. I was walking home from school and grabbed a flag to cross the street. Traffic stopped and many kind drivers let me start crossing. One truck, however, was in a bigger hurry than everyone else. I wish I were exaggerating what happened: He pulled out of his lane, into the oncoming traffic lane, to get around the car in front of him, and he drove straight at me. Thinking he didn't see me, I waved my flag frantically, hoping to be seen. We made eye contact. He didn't stop. I had to hurry myself out of his way to avoid serious injury.
Did the man want to kill me? Are all Utah drivers like this? Was he more concerned with getting somewhere fast than he was with another human life?
I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he has an astigmatism. Maybe his depth perception was off. Maybe he was rushing to help with some emergency and shouldn't have been stopped on his way.
Maybe I needed to learn to cross the street a little faster.
Thursday night/Friday morning, I was startled by a bad dream where the person next to me had an acceptance letter to the Spanish Teaching Major program at BYU and I had a letter telling me that I hadn't gotten into the program and that I would never be good enough to do so, so I should give up.
Prophecy? I sure hoped not. God telling me that Spanish Teaching is not the career I should pursue? Again, I sure hoped not.
I got an email later that day advising me that I had in deed been accepted to the program!
Do they really want me there, or is this some cruel joke? I'll give them the benefit of the doubt.
Maybe I really am good enough for the program. Maybe it's a blessing from God and He's opening doors for me that I didn't believe could be opened (and then I did believe, and then they opened).
Give everyone the benefit of the doubt. See them for the person they can become. Assume the best. It's a little hard at first, but when I start to assume the best and just trust people based on their word, good and wonderful things start happening.
I was almost run over by a truck on Thursday. No seriously.
Here in Utah, at crosswalks they have NEON orange flags to make it safer for pedestrians to cross the road and be seen. I was walking home from school and grabbed a flag to cross the street. Traffic stopped and many kind drivers let me start crossing. One truck, however, was in a bigger hurry than everyone else. I wish I were exaggerating what happened: He pulled out of his lane, into the oncoming traffic lane, to get around the car in front of him, and he drove straight at me. Thinking he didn't see me, I waved my flag frantically, hoping to be seen. We made eye contact. He didn't stop. I had to hurry myself out of his way to avoid serious injury.
Did the man want to kill me? Are all Utah drivers like this? Was he more concerned with getting somewhere fast than he was with another human life?
I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he has an astigmatism. Maybe his depth perception was off. Maybe he was rushing to help with some emergency and shouldn't have been stopped on his way.
Maybe I needed to learn to cross the street a little faster.
Thursday night/Friday morning, I was startled by a bad dream where the person next to me had an acceptance letter to the Spanish Teaching Major program at BYU and I had a letter telling me that I hadn't gotten into the program and that I would never be good enough to do so, so I should give up.
Prophecy? I sure hoped not. God telling me that Spanish Teaching is not the career I should pursue? Again, I sure hoped not.
I got an email later that day advising me that I had in deed been accepted to the program!
Do they really want me there, or is this some cruel joke? I'll give them the benefit of the doubt.
Maybe I really am good enough for the program. Maybe it's a blessing from God and He's opening doors for me that I didn't believe could be opened (and then I did believe, and then they opened).
Give everyone the benefit of the doubt. See them for the person they can become. Assume the best. It's a little hard at first, but when I start to assume the best and just trust people based on their word, good and wonderful things start happening.
Thursday, March 7, 2013
Repentance
repent |riˈpent|
verb [ no obj. ]feel or express sincere regret or remorse about one's wrongdoing or sin: the priest urged his listeners to repent | he repented of his action.• [ with obj. ] view or think of (an action or omission) with deep regret or remorse: Marian came to repent her hasty judgment.
God commands us to repent of our sins and leave them behind. Why is that so hard? Do we like having sins? Do we just not understand the seriousness of sin and its effects? Do we ever think we don't have anything to repent of?God promises us that if we repent, we can be cleansed of all our sins. That's what the Atonement of Jesus Christ did for us. It's hard to repent, though. We're human, we're prideful, we don't like to be wrong, and worst of all, it hurts to change.
This is where that whole benefit of the doubt thing comes in. We spend far too much time thinking that we can fix things on our own without the help of an omnipotent and omniscient God, our Father. We think that it's okay to hide things and just try and get the little pieces back together after we've broken something. We doubt the Lord of all creation who has promised us, "Yea, and as often as my people repent will I forgive them their trespasses against me" (Book of Mormon, Mosiah: 26:30). If He makes a promise, He will keep it. We have to give Him the benefit of the doubt. The benefit this time is that if we are willing to give our doubt to Him, then He will do away with it. If we trust Him and repent, He will forgive us and fill those dark corners with light.
verb [ no obj. ]feel or express sincere regret or remorse about one's wrongdoing or sin: the priest urged his listeners to repent | he repented of his action.• [ with obj. ] view or think of (an action or omission) with deep regret or remorse: Marian came to repent her hasty judgment.
God commands us to repent of our sins and leave them behind. Why is that so hard? Do we like having sins? Do we just not understand the seriousness of sin and its effects? Do we ever think we don't have anything to repent of?God promises us that if we repent, we can be cleansed of all our sins. That's what the Atonement of Jesus Christ did for us. It's hard to repent, though. We're human, we're prideful, we don't like to be wrong, and worst of all, it hurts to change.
This is where that whole benefit of the doubt thing comes in. We spend far too much time thinking that we can fix things on our own without the help of an omnipotent and omniscient God, our Father. We think that it's okay to hide things and just try and get the little pieces back together after we've broken something. We doubt the Lord of all creation who has promised us, "Yea, and as often as my people repent will I forgive them their trespasses against me" (Book of Mormon, Mosiah: 26:30). If He makes a promise, He will keep it. We have to give Him the benefit of the doubt. The benefit this time is that if we are willing to give our doubt to Him, then He will do away with it. If we trust Him and repent, He will forgive us and fill those dark corners with light.
Friday, March 1, 2013
Promises
God makes promises, and He keeps them. There's no arguing that. Sometimes it's a little hard to believe though. Like when He promises you the job you want, but nobody hires you for the job you want. Like when He promises health and prosperity to those who keep the commandments, but a friend suddenly has liver failure at the age of 22 and passes away.
God sees fit to try our faith, doesn't He?
Without the trial, how will we ever learn to really trust Him?
The benefit of the doubt is that when God makes a promise, there is no room for doubt.
Doubts aren't (or shouldn't) be big enough to displace the testimony that comes from an answer directly from the Lord, even when He tries our faith.
God sees fit to try our faith, doesn't He?
Without the trial, how will we ever learn to really trust Him?
The benefit of the doubt is that when God makes a promise, there is no room for doubt.
Doubts aren't (or shouldn't) be big enough to displace the testimony that comes from an answer directly from the Lord, even when He tries our faith.
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